Posted in Essay, Uncategorized

Bringing Down the Giant

My grandpa, God rest his soul, was my first hero. I identified myself so much in some, not all, of his ideologies. Most of all, he taught me to always build around 2 core traits: Integrity and Fairness.

My father, on the other hand, was always focused on getting the most out of everything, and by this I mean, crossing the edge of what is moral and fair. He used to be a car painter and I remember I had to, not by free will, help him around. If he could have saved some paint or other materials in order to sell them later and make some extra bucks, he would have done that. And there are more situations where the barriers of integrity were broken. I despised him. I would have wanted to beat the shit out of his brain. Whenever I snapped and challenged his morality, though, corrections were applied to me. But at least I knew that I was doing the right thing.

One day, I had only a big bill to pay for the bus ticket and the driver said he had no change, so he took me free. The next day, same driver, same bus, I went and told him to also take into consideration the ticket from the previous day. This happened when I was 10 years old. Now, 17 years later, I still picture in my mind, his glowing face and his appreciation for my fairness.

And there are numerous more examples. Whenever I received more change, because of bad calculations, I would have given back the extra money. However, sometimes I conducted my own experiments, in order to see how fair are others. I would add some plus just to check if my fellow humans were fair or not. Results? Mixed.

But it was always hard being fair in a society in which selfish human beings prevailed because they stole more than others could. And I’m not referring only to money but with all stealing in general. And not only to live by this code but also to influence others into having the same principle. Problem here is that there is this saying that “If you are fair with me I’ll be fair with you”, or with respect also. I don’t back this only with 50%. Because, you see, there are these situations where conflict arises. If you or me, are not fair, then we change the page and we break our moral code, just to get the edge. Because we are selfish, we step into the devil’s hole. We don’t have the guts to let the others “win”. Speaking from myself, I am always fair, no matter how you treat me. Trash me, step on, spit into my face, do whatever but I won’t burn my traits.

All of this got to a boiling point nowadays. I don’t know if you heard, but in my country, Romania, the government adopted a modification in the penal code that allows for corruption to grow and allow some members of the political party to escape prison or get rid of their criminal records. Long story short, they want to save their asses while in power. I feel that some members of the party don’t agree with this from a moral standpoint, some of them actually resigned, but the rest are like a herd of sheep. Keeping their mouths shut, although they don’t agree. I feel they are in the same oppression I was, back in the day. And they blindly follow the “leader” by means of loyalty. FUCK THAT! You motherfuckers are as guilty as the all the rest because you don’t have the balls to stand up for yourselves. Will you be expelled? YES! But you will have your integrity intact. Even if half of you resign, you will send a powerful message that the power is in the hand of the people. But no, you stay there, in your warm seats, because for 4 years, you think, you will steal as much as you can. FUCK YOU!

Is this the example you want to sent to your youngsters? Do you really want them to have a hard time in the future because you were their parents? Aren’t you afraid of all the people that are gathering in the streets nowadays? Even people that trusted you with their votes. How can you live with all of there burdens? Or have you no consciousness?

I have some form of social anxiety and that is why I don’t do great in large population of people. But when the time came, I also went into the streets, alongside 30k people, to rise against the plague.

I let you with a chant. See you in the streets.

“If you don’t jump, then you need no change!”

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Posted in Essay, Uncategorized

Adversity to Change

It`s being said that if you engage into a behavior for 20 consecutive days, then the brain will get used to it and assimilate it as a sort of automatism. But you have to stick to it. In comes a dilemma. While it is x times easier to incorporate anything related to health, food or more earthly matters, when it comes to changing minds, perspectives or even keeping up with the world, ⇓.

The longest battle I had to fight in my life, since, well, I remember – embracing the change. Working side by side with my father, we always got into arguments because he had a God complex of mister know it all, while I came with different approaches, to say, of solving the same problem. I`m not going to tap in other inherited behaviors from long ago or strictly doing things exactly how they are written in stone. The point is that, influenced by this conservatism, I had real struggles adapting when the moment came to leave the coziness of my home.

The “funny” thing is that I was advised about that the world out there is different and I would have to accommodate, ironically by the same people that were so rigid. So you admit, in the back of you mind, that if I adopt this attitude that you preached to me, I will have struggles but you still don`t offer me the hardware mechanism to solve this problem.

What I want to highlight is that I observed, at least in my country, a big gap between the youngsters and the experienced ones. While I think that they know they have themselves to adapt to all the things that are new and for the fast pace that the world is moving, they are still adverse to change. And this is a big word – Change -. Put it in any context and it will immediately be engraved in bold and then all that comes will weight a tone more. But it also decreases exponentially as people advance in age. A bit odd, because more experiences should result in an acknowledgement that at least being open to change it not a bad thing, right?

Unfortunately, of  the human evolution tree, somewhere, a homo-sapiens was “bright” enough to embed into our DNA that we have to succeed in life, that all of us should be billionaires and if we have even the smallest upset, the smallest drag into failure, then we are doomed. And we are pressured since we are very young that we got to have success. I am damn right pissed that I wasn’t told to fail more, because I think I would have gotten a lot if I would have followed that path. For me, it`s not a shame to have insuccess, because this is the best way to evolve as a human being. And I did learn this by working in statistics, where one of our motto is to fail faster in order to learn more. But being raised in this rigid environment, I didn’t have access to such techniques. And the first few times I failed, it felt damn wrecking.

This is a big reason why I think, others still put a big NO in front of change. But yet again, I this one thing  boggles me: recently we had parliamentary election and of course, controversy is impossible not to be present. 27 years since the communism era has been taken down, one thing that the “wise” ones still don’t want to see is that we are constantly lied to by promises that dumb asses can’t keep or are unable to fulfill. But still they fall prey to idiots. Because mass-media has never been more unreliable. What I don’t understand is how can someone vote for crooks and convicted felons. But the yet again we have a saying “you make even the devil as your friend until you cross the bridge”. And this is such a shallow saying because it somehow offers you an acceptance for your action. The hidden message is the curse of selling you soul to him and we easily overlook that.

It`s because of these such kind of mechanism that we are stuck in our evolution. Now, more then ever, we have the eyes to see how rapidly the world is changing, we have the mind to try to understand and adapt but we completely block this change. And why? Because we market it as a 180 degrees change and a fast one. If only we were thought to take it slow, step by step, I am sure than in at the the last 20 years, we would have gained a lot more and be smarter. And the gap between young and wise, drastically thickened. What do you think?

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Posted in Essay,, Uncategorized

Character starvation

“The mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual” or “A written statement of someone’s good qualities” definitions provided by Google for an elusive term – character.

For me, at least, showing this trait is the absolute minimum requirement, a baseline. Am I asking too much? Yes. From a population of air breathers that have  a solely objective to backstab everything and everyone in their selfish quest of having success, of being someone, of filling those fat bellies with  gold essences, of overdosing with the devilish potion of luxury plus hate, of draining the last drops of thinking fuel left.

I see it every day, feel it every hour, get torn apart in every minute because I refuse to give up hope in humanity. However, I still get knocked down by fucking morons. Yes, I`m talking about you, all the fucktards, all you shapeshifters. When you smell an opportunity to rise to power, you have an adrenaline rush that propels you to reach such lengths as following your managers to the bathroom and literally licking their asses clean. For fuck sake, at least brush your teeth afterwards, there are reminiscences between your teeth and your mouth smells of bullshit. How does the Earth still keeps you alive?

No matter in which environment you land, there is a guaranteed chance you will stumble upon a nemesis like this. Getting friendly just to add another trophy to his/her wall, laughing with lies in your face while having the confidence lion, indirectly spitting in your mind to brainwash all human traits, crafting a carpet pavement of assumed ideas, letting the impression that he/she will jump in front of the train to save you while actually being the mastermind that shoves more coal on fire in order to crush you faster, giving the impression that they give a fuck. Disgraceful!

With a trained detection algorithm in place, you think that you can protect yourself from them but the reality is that  I’m getting changed by the anger inside. The cut is so deep that the corruption sucks almost all the life out of me,  getting me that one step closer to the edge … Tic-Tac… I’m one breakdown apart from total madness, one stroke away from blasting out.

One last shout for one last time, one last resuscitation of a trait that many have been deprived themselves of, one last teardrop to ignite the thirst for … character.

Why the fuck, craving for the highest pick while the character level is burning to 0 became so mainstream? How can we unfuck what it`s already fucked?  Why can’t we put an end to the starvation of qualities?

©Nicholas Sogard

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Posted in Essay

Millennial syndrome


Wake up, wash, breakfast. Fuck… It`s 2016 idiot! You are considered an old-timer if you start like that. Rewind … Wake up, open phone, let social media suck the life out of me … Fuck… it’s  1 pm already…


The invisible Antichrist needs souls to feed upon. And we are the first in line to fulfill his damn wish. Yes, we rate ourselves by the number of fucking likes we receive and we are ready to do anything to milk that one extra like that will get us to go viral. Selfie photo 5 seconds before death… crossed over while being excited to get that +1 thumb up… killing a father of 2 youngsters in a car accident because texting crush… comments fueled with hatred by the blood pumped out of a  poisoned heart (or what’s left of it)… sharing every nonsense shit about your life like somebody actually gives a rats ass… bolstering free personal info to strangers…  relying and trusting more into a robot miles away than in real friends… getting shepherd by any 100k plus followers wannabe… sustaining fucktards that show off abundance of  luxuries but complete lack of intelligence…

We cheer up when someone shows her ass or his muscles. Like never ever recorded in history, we follow false positives while outcasting true positives. We are calling ourselves perfectionists because we are in the constant hunt for the ultimate beauty standards, injecting shit ass substances in whatever body part for a lackluster of a few years… fish lips and duck face are the animal traits that we revived in order to regress as species…without thinking that, in the end, we will disintegrate from within.  We hail any modern day Eve… make martyrs out of any shred of remaining intellectual minds…

Ability to active listening to what everyone has to say is a scroll lost in a library that is now a mansion for a reality tv show. Our fucking mouths are barking in a chorus of chickens instead of letting each one state their opinion. It`s understandable. The decrease of gray matter in our brains limits memory to a length comparable to golden fishes; while being afraid not to forget, time eating phrases are spawn at an alarming rate.

Human interaction, communication… dafuq I’m talking about? These terms resemble almost nothing today. We go out with friends and almost instantly phones are on the table… we go on a “walk” using hoverboards… we run not because it`s healthy but because we can show the route we took, the miles we made, the photos we took while feasting out of the number of likes we get in return. We take a picture in a picture of a picture that`s made in a place we virtually inhabit… we are living the life of others… Never before were people so lonely.


Like Crusader champions, at the end of the day, we hear our virtual friends clapping for the x hours cashed into the ledger of Antichrist. A ghost jury gives the verdict: Goal Achieved. Eyes are closing but we stay a bit more. Finally… sleep. Tomorrow is another day to live, although we are completely dead inside.

Planet Earth can catch a breath and pull down its mask… the mask that protected it from the putrefied smell of decomposing neurons infected by media stem cells.

©Nicholas Sogard

(Source photo: In your mind)

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Posted in Rock

Rock Saved Me!

Was about 20 y.o. when, for the second time in my life, I made the final preparation for my eternal demise. One step away  from putting the final nail in my coffin… One step away from taking my own life… 30 seconds and I would have fallen into demise…Prospect food for crows, I saw my shadow laughing at this gloomy tableau…

I won’t talk about events that led me to this dark moment, let’s just say that a combination of deadly factors, including depression, heartbreak, miserable times topped by  a lost in the will to live brought me to that point. I hated everyone but mostly I hated myself, or whatever was left of me. I felt like if I wouldn’t end it with my own hands, alcohol would have got the job done.

However, one blister of light somehow was given to this peasant. I found a neverending source of life pursuit: ROCK music. Through the magic mana of it, starving for life I became.Now there is this ancient old belief since the dinosaurs crawled the Earth, that often associates rock with satanism or occult doctrines. Utter bullshit! I`m the living proof that it helped me crawl back from the dead.

Rock music is all about the blend of each single instrument that as harder as it vibes, the deeper the feelings and the emotions are passed on to the listener. Adding the lyrics that are not only words that make no sense, but rather true experiences wrapped into a melodic track. Above all is the undisputed implication of all the band members that literally give their spirits for us to consume. If you can reach deep enough, you can unveil the beautiful mathematic theorems that are hidden. At that moment the full connection is done… instruments, vibe with each word the singer eats his heart out with, fully transposing you into the state of mind the song puts you in.

If I found myself in something that saved me, so can you. Discover your own rock and hang on to it with your teeth!

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Interview —–>> Know me through 40 Rongs ! 

  1. Wake up song – System Of A Down – Chop Suey!
  2. Ready to work – Foo Fighters – Best Of You
  3. Fuck this shit – Queen – I Want To Break Free
  4. In the zone – Red Hot Chili Peppers – Can’t Stop
  5. Angry as shit – Three Days Grace – I Hate Everything About You
  6. Me against the world – Linkin Park – Numb
  7. Retreat in my dungeon – Korn – Alone I Break
  8. Bipolarity – Slipknot – Duality
  9. When someone stepped on my tail – Nine Inch Nails – Hurt
  10. Master of airbreathers – Metallica – Master of Puppets
  11. Not belonging anywhere – Avenged Sevenfold – Afterlife
  12. Everything falling apart – Crazy Town – Drowning
  13. Confessions – Rage Against The Machine – Testify
  14. Stronger than ever – AC/DC – Back In Black
  15. Feeling indestructible – Disturbed – Indestructible
  16. Hidden desires – Muse – Undisclosed Desires
  17. When my heart is of ice – Crossfade – Cold
  18. When seeing hot girls – Hot Blooded – Foreigner
  19. Love related – Bon Jovi – Bad Medicine
  20. Encountering crazy girls – Buckcherry – Crazy Bitch
  21. Sweet memories – Guns N’ Roses – Sweet Child O’ Mine
  22. Broken hearted – tie Papa Roach – Leader of the Broken Hearts – Papa Roach – Scars
  23. Aftermath – Bullet For My Valentine – Tears Don’t Fall
  24. Moving on – Apocalyptica – I Don’t Care
  25. Feeling alive again – P.O.D. – Alive
  26. Cherishing each day – U2 – Beautiful Day
  27. Remembering past events – Sevendust – Angel’s Son
  28. Something is not really the same anymore – Deftones-Change
  29. Fuck off – Pantera – Walk
  30. Suppressing everyone feeling – Motörhead – King of Kings
  31. Inceptive for some patience – Audioslave – Like a Stone
  32. Dancing while working out – Survivor – Eye Of The Tiger
  33. Rage against the others – Marilyn Manson – The Beautiful People
  34. Headbanging – Rammstein – Du Hast
  35. Find inner strength – ASKING ALEXANDRIA – Moving On
  36. Escaping work – Iron Maiden – Run To The Hills
  37. I`m so ugly, but so are you – Nirvana – Lithium
  38. Feel like punkin` – Billy Idol – Rebel Yell
  39. When I get started up – The Rolling Stones – Start Me Up
  40. Just letting it go – Lenny Kravitz – Fly Away

Posted in Essay,

Emotionless Robots

Walking from work today, maybe for the thousand time; passing frequently the same bus station where I always saw this old lady that was selling flowers. Now she didn’t have a stand or something, she was just laying there, sitting on some steps, waiting to make an honest amount of money. In my mind, I would have loved to buy some flowers only knowing I might do a good deed. But has that ever happened? No! Every time I passed to that station, I felt like a squeezing in my heart, a lost of breath, shame (just like in GOT). I was and still am a damn coward. I could at least empathize with her but I would rather keep my earphones, increase the volume of music, vanish with my tail between my legs.

But today, a chilly October, I was mesmerized. There was this young girl, holding her hand and chatting with her. The granny literally was flooded  with tears of joy and not even a bag of money would have had the power to spark so much lightness. “Faith in humanity restored”! I take a bow to you, stranger, whoever you are. Some minutes of you life were not wasted but rather invested into bringing a smile to humble human being.

This is the moment where I realized that we are Emotionless Robots. Yes, we are thought that suppressing our emotions will lead us to a successful future because nowadays if you do the opposite, airbreathers will feast upon what is known as a weakness: showing emotion.

We always blame time, we don`t have time for that or for that, this resulting in our brains prioritizing our tasks, prioritizing at least a certain percentage of bull shit. We are caught in this devil’s den, a structure containing all the selfishness acts we feed upon. Towards others: Love? – Lost; Empathy? – Almost inexistent; Helping? – No chance in hell;

The grueling part is that a high-level artificial intelligence algorithm would be a step forward. At least it could be programmed to fell and share emotions, something we have a deficiency for. It`s ironic how we, as humans, are turning into robots while scientist are working on converting robots to humans.

Ignoring the noise whilst being amputated of the possibility to perceive the signal. Constantly, the ability that makes us human will remain a page in the history books for the hybrids that will inherit this planet. Soulless robots we have become.

Criminals, yes, a lousy bunch of emotion criminals is the trait we are getting more and more used to. We allow society to fuck us in the brain, the herd effect pushing us to act only like doers and not like thinkers. But the biggest crime of them all is that we are knowingly… repeat doing it. There is this switch that overwrites consciousness (or what is left of it), that is forgotten to be ON!

If we can only translate some of the passion for things we love towards emotions that we are on the edge of losing!

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Posted in Essay,

Power of a smile

No one can argue this fact: there is too much hatred, too much evil, too much  sorrow on this planet we call Earth. It`s a never ending leaking pipe that no matter how many repairs we apply to it, it brakes in other places. Sure, you might argue that we might completely replace the pipe, however, we both know that`s not possible. So we are left with one single possibility, making the volume of those leaks smaller and smaller.

Life is hard, nobody denies that all of us have struggles, some bigger than others, some are sucked in and virtually sell their soul to the devil, others are letting their frustrations get the better of them. How deep are you stuck in that rabbit hole shouldn’t provide you an excuse not to try at least, to be a better person.

You don’t even imagine how much a few nice words said to a person in need, can do to them. Not even a cash donation can make them feel better. Likewise, just by offering an innocent smile to those around you, can mimic magic. And if their face is enlightened then you didn’t just spread happiness to them but to you soul too. Just try to do this randomly, from time to time and you will get addicted to the feeling. Most of the times, people remember me as the ones that always smiled, that always didn’t forget his bag of happy tricks home.

While this might seem as a basic technique, it does have a huge impact on the brains of the ones receiving it. Reminding them to be happy triggers the part of their brains responsible for opening the drawers with happy memories. Subconsciously, you hacked the brain state by activating the trails that overwrite all the bad that is happening. For a split second, sorrow is lost while a flash of warm light invades the mind. The events you set into motion can have only positive outcomes. Moreover, you will also teach that person, indirectly, to do the same thing at a certain point in time, to others. Thus, like a roller coaster, you basically helped not only one but possibly hundreds if not thousands more.


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